• Akili

They are staring at me...

So, Black people should not stare at you when they see you with a Black child? White people should not wonder what is going on? Is that true? When they see you with a Black child they should just smile and act as if it's a normal occurrence? Is that true? Why would people not look at you? This is America, and perhaps you believe that race is not a big issue. For many White people it's not. Your life is not negatively impacted by racism because the system is designed to benefit you. Do you typically notice when your day is going well, or at least status quo? You are probably more apt to realize when you are having a bad day. Racism can create some bad days for people of color.

As a coach, I teach that reality is God, because it rules. When we try to push against reality or the truth (wanting things to be different), we experience pain, fear, anger, hurt, disappointment...we suffer. The truth is America was built for White landowners seeking freedom from Europe. It was not built for people from all backgrounds, colors, ethnicities, religions, etc to prosper...Have we seen changes since the constitution was written, yes...but some things have also stayed the same.

There are many segregated neighborhoods, churches, schools and organizations in our country today. People feel comfortable with what they understand, so why are you upset about a stare? The real question is what are you telling yourself about the stare? Now ask yourself if your story is true. Do you know without a shadow of a doubt that your story is true?

Based on my experience, I have an idea of what your answer is, but this is where the work begins. You get to create a life for you and your family. It does not have to be predicated on the beliefs of others, but don't discount various cultural gifts and experiences that can enhance your child's life, your life. Let them help you understand what they want to learn.

Now that you know you can decide what to build, what will it be? Sometimes this level of freedom creates fear because you don't want to mess things up. Structure and rules provide safety and certainty. But don't worry. You can create your own rules, your own structure, and your own version of freedom. What would it feel like to be free?



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